


Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real.

by soft_cactus



Series: The Spider mystery [6]
Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Good Guy Quentin Beck, Hero Quentin Beck, Injured Peter Parker, M/M, Natasha Romanov Lives, Peter Parker Has Issues, Peter Parker is a Mess, Peter Parker is lowkey disabled?, Peter Parler is bi, Protective Quentin Beck, Quentin Beck is a good boyfriend, Scars, Self Confidence Issues, Self Harming Quentin Beck (past), Self-Esteem Issues, just read it i guess, no beta we die like men, past self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2020-11-08 12:51:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20835761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soft_cactus/pseuds/soft_cactus
Summary: Battle leaves scars. Time for Peter to learn not to hate himself for having them.





	Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real.

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: Talks about self harm, eating disorders and depression!

Quentin put his arm around Peter. Peter snuggled up into Quentin's chest and closed his eye. He enjoyed the warmth and felt his boyfriend drawing circles on his back.

"Q, stop." He mumbled and looked up. Quentin did stop, his hand directly on one of Peters many scars.

Even though he has an incredible healing factor, some injuries just left marks. And Peter hated them. His body was full of scars and he did his best to hide them from anyone.

But sadly he couldn't hide them all...

"Why?" Quentin asked and Peter sighed. "You know I hate my scars." Quentin pulled him closer. "I know it, but I don't understand it."

"Why not? They're ugly. Look at them! They're horrendous. I'm ho-..." "DON'T you dare finish that sentence." Quentin snapped and Peter couldn't help but flinch back.

It wasn't the first time that he experienced Quentin being angry, but the first time it was directed at him.

"Peter, you are beautiful. Every inch of your body is beautiful. You are amazing! And your scars don't change that, okay? They make you who you are." Peter shook his head.

"I don't want to talk about this..." "You have to! Pete, you shouldn't be ashamed of your scars. I know how you feel. Believe me, I do. But you shouldn't."

Peter stayed silent. He knew Quentin had scars, hell, he had one huge scar across his chest he was looking at right now. And Peter didn't mind. Quentin was a soldier, a warrior. He was strong and the scars made him somehow even hotter.

"You're thinking too much..." Quentin mumbled and Peter tried to get up.

Immediatly Quentin grabbed his hand. "Peter, please. It hurts me to hee you like this. Please at least try to accept yourself the way you are!"

"I... I can't. I hate them! Just look at me! Look at my face! Look at how... deformed I am!"

Quentin moved closer to Peter and whispered: "Let's go different about this."

His hand moved across Peters's chest and stopped at a bullet wound. "What is that from?" Peter frowned. "Wha-..." "Answer me, honey... Please..." Quentin interrupted him and Peter sighed.

"A man shot me when I was stopping him from breaking into a house. There were his children inside and he wanted to kill them to get revenge at the mother... He is now in jail."

Quentin nodded. He didn't comment on the heartbreaking story. His fingers slowly went on to a second scar. It was in his lower abdomen, a stab wound.

"And this one?" "Um.... A mugger. He got me when I was not paying attention."

"What about the victim?"

"Some business man, he was calling 911 while running away. I webbed the mugger up, I don't know what happened to both of them."

"And this?" Is was on his side, a burn scar.

"I... Toomes was going to burn to death, so I got him out."

Quentin nodded in understanding and asked: "What other scars are from there?

Peter pointed at 3 others and Quentin then put his hand to Peters's cheek was a long white scar was across Peters's face.

"And this one?"

Peter tried to look away but Quentin held his face tight. "I... When we fought Thanos... I threw myself in front of Natasha... And the sword hit my face... I have faster healing and thought I could take it better..." Peter closed his eye. "I was wrong."

"But you did save her. I saw the recordings, he would've decapitated her if you didn't take the blow. That's my point. Every one of your scars tells a story about how you saved people. How you saved lives. I can't say the same." Peter frowned. "Why not?"

Quentin looked a bit conflicted but eventually pulled his boxers a bit up. On both of his thighs were scars. Straight white lines.

Too many, too precise and too accurate so it could've happened in a fight. They were obviously self-inflicted.

Peter shot up into a sitting position while he examined the scars his boyfriend had hidden from him for over one year.

"Quentin, are these..." He didn't finish the sentence. He silently counted them. 18 on one leg, 15 on the other one.

"Yes Peter. I used to cut myself." Peter felt like he couldn't breathe. "Why..." he asked.

Did he still do it? Obviously not, these were older, but maybe somewhere else? Why? Does Quentin still struggle?

Quentin sighed. He laid onto his back and closed his eyes.

"It was punishment. One for every loved one I lost, so I would ever forget how much I failed them. Because I felt like I could've prevented t. But I didn't, so I needed to be punished, a coping mechanism. I didn't realize at the time, that it wasn't my fault."

Silent tears left Peter's eye. He let himself fall onto his boyfriend's naked chest and sobbed. Immediately Quentin's arms were around him and Quentin quietly spoke assuringly to him.

"I am not doing it anymore... Ssh... Calm down sweetheart, I am fine now." And other sweet words.

Peter looked up and whispered: "I love you so much. Seeing you this hurt... it physically hurts me."

Quentin placed a soft kiss onto his boyfriend's lips and responded: "I feel the same. This is why I am showing you. I know how it is to have depression, anxiety, and PTSD."

He grabbed Peters's hands. "I know how it is to have an eating disorder and want to self-harm so bad you ask your last friends put handcuffs on you to make sure you don't do stupid things. And I know you know what it is like to have depression, anxiety, and PTSD. You have been through so much... I don't want you to fall into the same habits I did."

Peter shifted uncomfortably around and Quentin saw even more tears streaming down his face.

"It's not that easy to get over it..." He mumbled and sniffled.

"I know. I don't demand that you will just be comfortable with it like that. But I want to help you to slowly come to love yourself. You with be?"

Peter nodded and let himself drop onto the mattress. Quentin pulled him close and gave him a kiss on his forehead. 

"Are you okay?" Quentin asked and Peter cuddled a bit closer to him. "I will be."

**Author's Note:**

> I might write a story more detailed about how Peter lost his eye... Anyways, I hope you liked the story!


End file.
